starting is so easy.

i have decided and then undecided and then decided again, to blog. I feel shameful, really. I feel like everyone I know (exaggeration) has started a blog and subsequently stopped.  Only a few brave, committed folks have actually followed through with it. (tell me, you folks, do you finish everything you start?) Truly, the only things I have started and not quit are: my nursing degree, some knitted things, my role as mama & wife, and my relationship with Jesus (though this is more due to His commitment than mine). Again, exaggeration. But that is what it feels like that on the days when its still snowing into mid-April and the dog comes into the house smelling like rotten poop and my two-year old is pouring a canister of baking powder into a jar of maple syrup. Those are the days that all my self-criticism come into vivid focus. It is then that, among others, my quick to start, slow to finish curse rears its ugly head (and looks strangely like a certain 6th grade teacher)…

after the dust has settled, or in this case, the baking powder, I will decide to try, once again, to overcome my propensity for stalling-out. I choose something to restart. I will, at that moment, decide to restart it with a renewed vigor. a “this time will be different!” attitude (oh how I deceive myself!).

Despite the grand, embarrassing  number of things I have admittedly attempted and never accomplished, there is a surprisingly small number of things that never seem to let go of me. They perpetually nudge and gnaw at me. Those things about which your little, muttering mind says “you should really do that…” Blogging is one of those things. “Ah, but EVERYONE blogs,” your other little, muttering mind says. Really original idea.” And its true. Everyone does blog. And everyone quits. As I am writing this, my husband glanced over and said “what are you doing?” me: “blogging” him: “are you going to blog again?” me: “hm. I don’t know, I will probably quit.” HA. so much for conquering self-confidence.

oh well, right? so I start again, and then quit. or maybe I don’t. at least the internet will have one more old-timey picture of a cute toddler doing something super cute…


About Amy Woschek Schmidt

little moon hoping to reflect the Light. writer of stories. mama to sparrow. wife to schmidty. wholy redeemed by the Holy One, Jesus Christ.
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